You see, I've been having thoughts for so long that most people would find very strange. I lay on my floor sometimes when I'm the only one at home, and I'll gaze at the ceiling lost in thought, thinking that I'm some sort of not living at the time. Not really, at least. It's so weird to think about, but that's what I do when I'm alone, away from the content atmosphere people give. I get so strangely.... well, depressed isn't the word, it's more like just... thinking. I think that maybe we all don't really exist in the way we think we do. I think about us all being figments of someone else's imagination, screened for some perverse audience to see how fragile we are as humans. My religious views are far too complicated to explain, so I won't bother now. I just have some intense faith in the world's mysteries.
So has anyone watched the UK show Skins??? I discovered it pretty recently, but I just started watching episodes last night and today. I can't believe how raw the emotion is with each and every character. It touched me inexplicably to my core. The character Cassie is who I see myself most like. She's insecure and somewhat psychotic, convinced that her outer beauty is what is important to the one she loves; thusly, she has an eating disorder and drug addiction. She said in one episode "I didn't eat for three days so I could be lovely". I used to feel like that a while ago after Jacob broke my heart; I still do every now and again.
Cassie's battle with depression, anorexia nervosa, bulimia, and the constant struggles every teenager goes through touched me so much today. I started crying during the ending of an episode. That's not to say that I don't feel for all of the characters, though. The entire series is amazing to watch. I feel like I'm connected to them, just like I'm connected to my friends and family. Crazy, I know.
I mean, I don't think I'm a bad person. I don't drink, smoke, do drugs, or have promiscuous sex. I'm still a virgin. I've messed up with other things, but I don't think I'm a bad person. I've learned from my mistakes, and I'm still learning. Regardless of how I feel about drug abuse and promiscuity, that show makes me laugh in hearty chuckles and cry with the same intensity.
It made me emotional the entire day. I went out with Katie tonight to eat(and of course see her boyfriend), and it was great just laughing. Her day had been stressful, and mine had been confusing. We just started laughing so hard that we couldn't stop. Release. Wow. It was great. We did what we do every time we hang out: listened to music, harmonizing, with the windows rolled down. RENT, Aly and AJ, Miley Cyrus, Rascal Flatts. We love it all. I love it all. I love hanging out with my friends. Jake called quite a few times asking about Pokémon. I found it really funny how amazed he was about contests and the like. Haha.
Maybe this trip will be fun next week. I surely hope so. The summer has been rather boring up until now. Please get better, summer. =D
~~
To anyone reading this first entry, please don't be alarmed by what I'm saying. I'm by no means suicidal or something like that. I'm just very open-minded and obsessively thoughtful, methinks.
-Joseph
- Location:My room.
- Mood:
hopeful - Music:Adele - Hometown Glory
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